Lang Way Roond: the Inventorising

Keep away from the baggage, foul denizens of Ullapool, lest I send you back to the frozen Hell from whence you sprang!


Bike #1: Huonaio HN125-8
1 x bike-in-a-box, some modifications, just serviced
1 x rider, containing spunk, possibly gumption
1 x pair textile panniers
1 x pair of large leather panniers
1 x backpack
1 x cargo net
1 x pair motocross boots
1 x pair thin canvas shoes
4 x cotton/synthetic shorts
1 x pair Sealskinz(tm) waterproof socks
5 x pairs anti bacterial sports socks
2 x cotton vests
1 x synthetic T shirt
1 x synthetic long sleeved shirt
1 x textile jacket
1 x textile trousers
1 x back brace
1 x helmet (style still to be decided)
1 x neck/face warmer
1 x pair summer gloves
1 x pair waterproof winter gloves
1 x waterproof poncho
2 x emergency space foil blankets
1 x Gelert solo tent
1 x self inflating mat
1 x summer weight sleeping bag
1 x small angler's stool
1 x wind up LED torch
3 x disposable lighters
1 x eye mask
5 x pairs ear plugs
1 x roll toilet paper
1 x pack 80 baby wipes
1 x set eating utensils
1 x small umbrella
1 x talc
1 x antibiotic handwash
1 x factor 50 sunblock
1 x pack Immodium(tm)
1 x dry shampoo
1 x toothpaste
2 x toothbrushes
1 x deodorant
4 x anti-blister plasters
1 x roll sticking plaster
1 x multitool
1 x small chain (for chaining items to bike)
1 x disk lock / alarm
1 x collection of assorted nuts, bolts and washers
1 x junior hacksaw
1 x 1/4" socket set
2 x mole grips
2 x monkey wrenches
4 x assorted spanners
1 x set spare bulbs (including headlamp)
3 x assorted screwdrivers
1 x spare chain (428 / 118 links)
1 x set Allen keys
1 x plug spanner
1 x needle file (flat / half round)
1 x 12v power socket
1 x Cheap-O-Matic^tm sat nav
1 x 12VDC->240VDC + USB power inverter
1 x mobile telephone + charger
1 x Kodak DX7440 camera
1 x gas camping stove (can't find my petrol one)
1 x set camping pans
1 x backpack full of trail provisions (chocolate, spiced sausage, dried fruit, noodles, etc)
1 x hip flask with 1/4 pint malt whisky
1 x empty 5 litre can of petroleum distillate (to be filled during ride if it seems necessary to get us me through the Wilds)

Bike #2: Honda CG125
1 x silly overpriced miniature Japanese trinket, just serviced
1 x rider, containing optimism born of lack of experience
1 x pair teeny weeny "sports" panniers
1 x tank bag, effectively doubling the height of bike
1 x oversized 2 man technical tent
1 x giant squishy sleeping bag
1 x handkerchief
Perhaps some spare pants, although I wouldn't count on it

Let's riiiiiiide!

Really, really slowly.