Warp core offline: proceed on emergency impulse power

Prepare to jettison warp engines and disengage by sublight evasion.

Another day, another adventure. Sunday beckoned, flouting her tempting charms at me, and off I went for a jaunt. Just a few miles, off to try and find the missus (farming, as she has a wont to do), then on to le supermarché pour la grub et les stúff.

There were a few big bumps in the road on the way, courtesy of emergency repairs to the winter potholes - which I'm sure the Cooncil intends to sort out properly later - but I didn't think anything of them. See as I cunningly build an alibi for myself for what is about to occur...

Exiting the car park and hitting a little hill, the bike suddenly faded and spluttered. Oh dear. This again - it happened on the Lang Way Roond trip as well, on the Lang Way Hame, due to the main jet needle being unsecured and riding way too high (mea culpa).

A quick haul onto the pavement, and the diagnosis began. The last thing I'd done before going out was to grab my trusty multitool(*), and damn glad I was to have it.

The plug was seriously fouled. Hmmm, that's familiar. I immediately suspected the needle again, but decided to clean the plug and lean the idle mixture out first to see if that sorted it. Nope, although I did get another 1/4 mile closer to home, nursing the bike along in gaps in the traffic.

At the next spluttering expiration, I parked up and unscrewed the throttle assembly on top of the carb to check the needle. Unfortunately, it was fine, properly secured under the clip and spring. Hmm, it did seem like a jetting problem, but not the needle this time. If the main jet was clogged, surely it would run lean, not rich?

Maybe the engine was just cooked? I gave it some time to cool down, with the plug out, cleaned everything up again, reset the idle mixture to 2 turns out, and had another go at getting home.

Bizarrely, the bike ran fine at idle and up to about 1/8th throttle, but on 1/4 throttle it just choked and faltered. I was quite impressed that it managed to get up to 30, nearly 40 downhill, on 1/8th throttle, and I managed to route through some industrial estates rather than holding up traffic on the big roads.

Eventually, I nursed it into my work car park, but with a big hill between me and home, Something Must Be Done. I was swithering between admitting defeat and calling my rescue service, or even shoving the bike into the work foyer overnight, but manned up and went for the carb strip. This is perfectly possible at roadside with pliers and a small Phillips bit, just take care not to lose any screw or nuts.

With it all apart, the cause was suddenly and glaringly obvious:



[Dramatisation]

Yup, the main jet had actually fallen off and was lying in the float bowl. That explained the behaviour fully - with no jet in the tube, as soon as the needle was raised, fuel was flooding up into the carb.

Huh, typical Chinese quality control! By which I mean that the stock 90 jet was fitted just fine, but some chump must not have tightened up the 95 jet that I - I mean, he or she - replaced it with.

Ah well, adventure over. With the jet secured properly, the bike immediately ran fine again.

The lesson here is that these bikes really are idiot proof, if the idiot can just stop mucking around with them.

So, no more fiddling, I promise. Well, I mean after I try the 100 and 105 jets again...


(*) Should Plod ever argues the toss with you about carring a multitool with a knife blade, please do remember this phrase: folding pocket knife with a cutting edge not exceeding 75mm/3", and I'll be having it back with an apology after I speak to the duty solicitor.