Toasty-warm engine, mmmm.

Yesterday's mixture adjustment seems to have done the trick; the bike idles happily while warming and is more eager at low revs today. Damn, I'm running out of things to fiddle with; hopefully the bike will start acting up soon and provide some greasy-fingered entertainment.

I got around to fitting my Windjammer and gave it a spin:




It seems to do a decent job of keeping the noise down and excluding drafts, but then I didn't exceed 40... I mean 30 mph, so I don't yet know how it works at higher speeds. Also, there's a certain "birth canal" feeling to putting the helmet on, although spreading the 'jammer with the straps helps to get it over the ears. Verdict: qualified success, although I wouldn't say with certainty that it removes the need for earplugs. And if it doesn't, then is there really much point to it, especially in hot weather? We'll keep this under review.

And now the time comes for the pimping. First on the agenda is some crash bars, for visibility and road presence as much as crashworthiness. I haven't found any for the Huoniao, but from what I can make out, these bars are fairly generic: bolt-on mounts at the bottom of the frame (and the Huoniao has a bracket down there) and a U-clamp to hold them to the top of the frame.

So I've gambled on fleaBaying a set designed for a Jinlun 125 RS. It's a "sports" bike, but I'm going to go out on a limb and venture to suggest that most of these chinese CG-clone engined bikes use very similar frame geometries. For £20 delivered, I won't take a huge bath, and can likely sell it on if it doesn't fit. If it fits and takes the brunt of even one drop, then I'll come out ahead.



A Xenon (actual Xenon, not Halogen or "semi Halogen") BA20D 50W/50W 7500K bulb is also on its way, since the stock 35W/35W "yellow peril" bulb is a bit on the weedy side. I'm hoping that the extra 15W isn't going to strain the electrics. I'd rather charge the battery regularly than ride with dim lights though.

That'll do us for now, but a screen and tyres will doubtless follow soon. Recommendations welcome!

Into the blue, GOD DAMMIT

Had a bit of a Moment today, trying to pull away in 2nd gear from a near standstill, slightly uphill, while the engine was still warming. Splutter, splutter, gag, stall.

Right, we're not having that. Off to the Honda CG 125 owners' site, which notes that the mixture on CGs is set very lean to scam emissions regulations, something confirmed by forchetto over at the Chinese Bike Forum about the Chinese clones as well. This results in slow warming and hesitation under throttle, both of which I seem to be seeing (admittedly on short acquiantance).

Well, they both seem to be right. The mixture was way off, and the mixture screw needed to be opened (anticlockwise) 2 full turns to maximise the idle speed. A quick tweak of the idle screw brought the idle back down to 1500, although it does seem happier on the high side of that speed even when warm. We'll see how that works out tomorrow.



While we're at it, let's have that silly metal sheath off of the plug cap, before it starts shorting in the rain. It's not the 1970s, we're on FM now over in the West. Perhaps the Chinese have been taken over by Cylons who don't want any RF interference? You like this, toasters? Eat my EM pollution!



While I was fiddling, I gave the chain a dose of 3-in-1. It was already fairly well lubricated, but I shudder to think with what. Orphan plegm, most likely. The tension seems OK, but I'll keep an eye on that as well.

And after I rode off into the sunset...

...the sun rose on a bright new Sunday, and I took the opportunity to hit the road and do what every biker dreams of: U turns and figure 8s. Yes, I'm that chap, the one that practices low speed control, even though I don't have to - I'm not bothered about passing the test, at least not in near future. A 125 is quite enough for me at the moment.

The little Huonaio behaved impeccably, being stable and easy to handle, even in the brisk gusty wind that chilled my hands in no time. Better gloves are in order, although I can probably tough it out for now. Strangely, my crotch also got frozen through my leather bondage trousers. There's a new experience.

Emergency stops happened without any fuss, although the brakes do have to work hard on steep downhill stretches. Gear changes were all fine, although I did fumble a few upshifts. However, I think that's more down to a lack of practice on my part rather than a mechanical issue.

The boring, important bits aside, how fast is it, you ask? Don't ask me, I'm running it in. Yes, I'm that chap as well. The 5000 rpm running-in redline yields an indicated 32 mph-ish, which, combined with confident road positioning (and a bit of "Look out - I may be a mental" weaving around) is just enough to keep Mondeo Man from trying any rash overtaking moves in 30 limits. OK, I may have nudged 6000 rpm, or 40 mph briefly while jaunting on an A-road. The bike feels perfectly happy at this speed, with the vibration just starting to creep in, although the mirrors seem stable enough. What matters is that the engine is torquey and willing, forgiving of being left in higher gears, and gets the bike up past 30mph quickly enough to get you into the traffic stream safely.

According to a nag-cam on the A-road, the speedo seems fairly accurate. If my calculations are correct, the max power at 8500 rpm would yield a road speed of 58mph or thereabouts. Depending which blurb you want to believe, the Huoniao claims a maximum speed of 90kpm or 56 mph. I'm not sure I'd want to hold it at 8500 for long, although properly run in it may not be a problem. Either way, I couldn't in all honesty argue the point that this bike is suitable for sitting a full 'A' test (i.e. 100kpm / 62.5mph), but then again, since it's got very similar mechanicals to the test-hack of choice, the Honda CG 125, perhaps more test examiners should actually ask to be shown that an 'A' test bike can hit and maintain 100kph on the level, hmm?

During my jaunt, biker nods were exchanged with a Harley pilot, and a quaddie. Do we nod to quads? Stuff it, I do. Anyone outside a cage gets the nod.

A few maintenance issues did crop up today. Huzzah! This is why I got the bike, so I actually relish them. The vibration loosened off the bolts holding on my rear L plates - I can hardly blame the Huonaio for that though, since I neglected to loctite them. My bad. Also, while attaching the tax disk holder to the clamp at the top of the offside suspension strut, I over-tightened the bolt and stripped the end of it, as you can (almost) see here.



This is in the "I should have expected that" category, since as any fool know, the Chinese use bolts made of straw and sparrow spit. A 8mm British bought coach bolt (doubtless made in China) replaced it. Washer, spring washer, loctite, goes the mantra. How much torque is needed on this bolt? About that much, I think. I'll keep an eye on it, but the same applies to all the other bolts as well.

Later, I went on a shopping trip, for which the bike was gifted the cheapskate soft panniers from my pedal-cycle. With a smidgin of adjustment, they clipped onto the side rails of the rear rack just fine, and feel pretty secure there. Not as pimp as saddle-bags, but probably more practical. Also, anything that makes the bike more visible and gives it a bit more presence has to be a good idea.



Now, maybe some bull-bars or a snow plough on the front?

Let's rolllllllll!

Didn't I tell you that the chaps and chapettes at the DVLA were the salt of the earth? Didn't I tell you?

The "entitlement" document and tax disk arrived this morning, so off we went in search of a place that could make up a number plate. Local Halfords: out of stock. Local Autoparts: don't make bike plates. Hamilton Autoparts... score! Cons: they admitted that the plate was 4mm smaller than the DVLA regs. Pros: they made it up gave it to me gratis. Now that's customer service!

Still lacking a tax disk holder, I had to find an actual bike parts store. Armed with a satnav and a mobile connection to the wife, I finally tracked down J&S Accesories Ltd in Hamilton. Expecting some pokey hole-in-the-wall dive, I drove past it twice before finally realising that the big clean warehouse outlet was indeed "J&S". Wow, what a treasure trove. Acres of leather, cordura and carbon fibre bondage gear being sniffed and pawed by Mid Life Crisis Men and their familes. People Carriers parked outside: 10. Bikes parked outside: 0. Nice. With an "all items 20% off" discount, the prices were comparable with fleaBay, so I'll be back there, no doubt, in my next credit card billing month. I quite fancy some independent torso armour to go under my classic un-armoured leather jacket and hi-vis, or I may skip the layering and splash out for a hi-vis armoured leather jacket:





Anyway, we're nearly there. A quick detour to B&Q for assorted bolts and washers and such, the tax disk holder, number plate and rear L-plate were drilled and secured and then we're finally - finally - road legal. Give or take 4mm, I mean, but I can live with the illicit thrill.

And there's only one thing left to do: leathers, lid and gloves on, crank it up and... into the sunset, hoh!

Doc-Watch, day 3

Absent any appearance of registration documents, all I can really do is document their non-appearance.

Given that the bike was registered on Tuesday 24th March 2009, every day since then when I can't use it is being stolen from me by faceless back office jobsworth Morlocks. Every half-hour of sunshine and dry weather - and in Jockland, every such period is a significant proportion of "Summer" - is missed riding time that I'll never get back.

I'm counting today, Friday, as day 3, since there is no good reason on God's clean earth why it should take more than a few hours - actually a few minutes - to check the documentation that I provided on Tuesday against the customs import records for the bike, and post out the reg number on the same day. Or even - gasp! - hand them out over the counter, as apparently used to be the way before the DVLA had to be expanded to keep more failed Burger King applicants out of the unemployment figures.

Does this really matter? Well, put it this way: if I started riding the bike today, and told the DVLA that I'd complete the paperwork and register it when it was convenient for me, would that be acceptable to them?

The prosecution rests.

Shady dealings

No movement on the bike today - literally. Instead, I've been fiddling with my shiny helmet. Well, shiny helmets.

In anticipation of a glorious summer - scoff ye not - I've MacGyvered sun shades onto my helmets with cutting edge technology. By which I mean a pair of scissors used to cut some sticky tape.

The helmets here are a Marushin Tiger, which is the cheapest white full face helmet with a 5 star SHARP rating that I could find, and a £20 ZOMG NOT TEH B-SQUARE!!!1! open face with bare minimum ECE 22.05 (there are no open face helmets with SHARP ratings, surprise surprise) that I'll likely never wear unless I'm doing a 1/2 mile jaunt when it's hot enough out to melt the nylon tyres.

The strips are a full 50mm wide, and look like they'd cut visibility down significantly, but it's not so. From long years experience of wearing (tin) helmets, you use very little of your vertical field of view, and these sizes feel right when run through a rigorous sofa/TV interaction test. I'll start aggressively and trim them if I feel the need to look out for low flying aircraft, eagles or witches.

Thank you for calling Central Services

Due to temporary staff shortages, Central Services cannot take service calls centrally. Have a nice day.

I can't make up mind whether Britain is using Nineteen Eighty-Four or Brazil as a template for our government.

Today was the trip to the DVLA, clutching a swathe of documents and cash. £70 covers the first registration fee (£55 for any vehicle) plus 1 year's road tax (£15, yay). All the documents from LS Imports seem in order, so I'm hoping that I won't be asked to bring the bike to a test centre for identification - a poster over at the Chinese Bike Forum was asked to do so.

I took a photo of the VIN plate, printed it out and slipped it into the document pile, but on reflection, the suspicious, bitter, hollow shells of people trapped in the bowels of the DVLA - mad love to all y'all - may view that as part of some shadowy sinister plot to confuse and confound them by being helpful. We'll see soon - or later - enough. It's all a mystery, really, since the desk zombies at the Glasgow DVLA answered all my questions with a stiff-lipped "Mon't mo", which I presume is DVLA-speak for "don't know."

In anywhere from 48 hours to 2 weeks, I should hear something from them. I'm beginning to see why folk might want to pay a premium to dealers to handle this sort of soul destroying paper shuffling. A little note to government - you know you're watching - about tight grasps: the reason why so many bikes are (apparently) unregistered or untaxed may not be that your procedures are too lax, but that they are so stringent that it's far simpler to just not bother. There are people on eBay happy to produce any number plate you want, no questions asked. Since the chances of being pulled over by a live copper are now next to nothing, you can see why it might be an attractive option to skip the tiresome and expensive paperwork, and become speed-tax-camera proof in the process.

Anyway, back to the bike. The NGK D8EA plug (thanks, Dave) went in, and the bike started up nicely. The stock plug is already a little sooty, which could just be because I've been doing a lot of cold starts on the choke, or it could be a rich mixture. I'll need to get it properly up to temperature before adjusting the mix though.

On the subject of starting, the bike seems happiest on half-choke and just a soupcon of throttle, then off the choke within a minute. This seems consistent with the other owners' reports that I've read.

One thing puzzles me though; why isn't the starter motor isolated by the engine cut-off? I spent a frustrating minute cranking the bike before realising that I'd nudged the isolator. I'll need to work on my mental checklist.

The tightening and greasing proceeds apace. Today I got all the bolts under the rear mudguard. There are two up high near the front that have square nuts on them that I couldn't easily get off, so I just added two spring washers and extra nuts (loctited, of course) on top.

There are three bolts at the back of the mudguard that hold the light cluster and number plate on; they were given spring washers and loctite, although the bolts are (surprisingly) grommeted through rubber bushes, and so may have stayed tight anyway. I did a quick pass down the sides of the bike, but everything there already seems tight. Maybe I got a Monday bike?

Then I came back to the sidestand cut-out switch, about which I'm in two minds. It does seem like a useful safety feature, but its connector block is in an insane position, right under the bike. I'll leave it on at least until I know that I won't be subject to any kind of DVLA inspection, then come back to it. In the meantime, I've pretty much encased the connector block in grease, and also greased the cut-out plunger and switch.

Finally, I put on a front L plate. eBay provided some nice metal ones, rather than the floppy flappers available at Halfords. There's a Huonaio badge at the front of the bike, just under the headlight. It's just pushed through two rubber bushes, and pops out, leaving two handy holes ideal for bolting a plate to. The holes are quite big, but luckily I'd kept the 8mm bolts from the shipping frame (tight Scotchman, d'ye ken?) which worked a treat. I did have to unbolt the horn temporarily to get access; it got the obligatory spring washer on re-attachment.

One observation that I made was that while the headlight appears to be aligned fine vertically, it looks to be diverting the beam slightly to the right rather than the left. Tsk, tsk, naughty Jiangmen Dihao Motorcycle Company Ltd. Still, if I'm blinding drivers, at least they'll see me. On that subject, I'm not going to be blinding anyone with the stock glow-worm bulb, so a brighter bulb is on the list of things to get. I haven't yet taken the headlight apart to figure out the part yet: I hope it's one that's available to civilised man.

[Update]
Someone seems to have taken the bike (insured and registered in my name with the DVLA, I hasten to add) out for a slightly extended U-turn. It looks like the L plate is fouling the front mudguard when the weight is on the forks. Lesson learned: check things with the bike on and off the stand.

The rider here is 5'6" in his or her stocking feet: it should be clear from that that the Huonaio is a neat little bike. It's significantly smaller than a Jinlun-11 125, and about the same size as slightly smaller than the (now sadly defunct) Honda CG125 that I did my CBT on. The low centre of gravity makes it feel stable, and though it supposedly masses 130kg dry, it's quite possible to turn the bike just by lifting the back end and heaving it around into position. A bit like the wife, really.

And now we play the waiting game

... ah, the waiting game sucks.

I now have a working motorcycle in my garage. "Ride meeeeeee", it whispers, "ride me nowwwwww".

"I'd love to," I reply, "but The Man won't let me. I need to fill in a 27B-6 first."

Specifically, I need to register the bike as new and get a registration number. Apparently back in the day, a chap's word was his bond, but then came the welfare state, immigration (what have the Romans ever done for us?), plagues of zombies, and general churlishness. Now we're all guilty until proven innocent, and one has to kowtow in person to some surly beancounter at the local DVLA and evoke the precise incantations to magic up a registration.

LS Imports appear to have sent the correct documents for the bike, so I just need insurance documents. They showed up today, Saturday. The insurance was taken out on Wednesday morning. This is shoddy. I expected them on Thursday, Friday at the latest. Saturday is practically a new epoch. For that reason alone, I'll actively seek a different insurer next year. Yes, this matters.

While I wait for the beaurocracy to grind fine, I've been fiddling with the bike. The rear brake pedal seemed to be positioned slightly low, so I rotated it up slightly. It's on a splined shaft, and just needs one bolt slackened off. A spring washer and loctite were added on reattachment.

After that, I liberally greased every electrical connector that I could find. Prevention is better than cure; specifically, it's better than tracking electrical gremlins with a multimeter.

The one connector I left alone was the infamous sidestand cutout. There's a connector right under the bike, which is going to corrode. The whole switch and cabling is definitely coming out ASAP. I want to get the multimeter on it first to find out what all the wires do though.

Around then, my brother turned up to scoff, but the Huonaio worked its magic. He's just bought a 20 year old Porsche Carrera which needed £3.5K of work done on it right away, and now needs a £5K engine rebuild. Against that, the £550 Hounaio is pocket change. After I remembered to switch the fuel tap on, the bike fired up nicely, and warmed up rapidly. It was idling a little slow, but five seconds of adjustment on the idle screw (the horizontal sprung screw on the offside of the carb) sorted that.

At that point, someone may have been compelled to take the bike for a (very) short romp to the end of the road and back. That person reported that the bike was running just fine, up to 3rd gear and back down again.

Since that counted as its first road run, and it was up to temperature (as proven by the clouds of ACF-50 burning off) I was persuaded to change the stock oil. The sump plug came out easily and the warm oil was ejaculated. It looked tolerable enough, although perhaps a little milky. Better to have something quality controlled in it though, so after leaving it to drain for a good hour - while I went to buy a copy of my long-since-lost CBT to send to the insurer - I popped in 1 litre of Halford's 10W-40 semi synthetic motorcycle oil.

I would have taken out the oil filter, but the plug wasn't for playing. It appears to be 23mm, a really weird size for which I don't have an appropriate spanner or socket. 22mm won't fit and 24mm rubbed. I got an adjustable wrench on it, but no matter how tight I adjusted it, it rubbed. Ouch. I guess I'll be buying a 23mm socket then, although I can see it being a monkey-wrench job at some point.

Later, someone took the bike for another U turn and reported that it sounded and felt slightly smoother, although that may have been cognitive dissonance. Regardless, I'd still suggest changing the oil ASAP on any new bike. It's just not worth skimping on.

eBay is providing an NGK D8EA spark plug and metal L-plates. Now I really do just need reg plates and I'm on the road. Reportedly the DVLA used to issue a reg number on the spot, but now they make you wait 48+ hours for the paperwork. We'll find that out - and report on't, have no doubt - on Tuesday.

Unboxing day!

After ordering my bike-in-a-box from LS Imports (aka Asia Motorcycle), everything went smoothly. I called them on the morning of Friday 13th March 2009, and spoke to a nice chap called Drew who took the order. He couldn't spell Huonaio either.

Delivery was promised for Wednesday 18th March, which isn't next day, or even 48 hour, but it's perfectly reasonable for shipping a heavy crate from Portsmouth, Englandland to Glasgow, Scotchland. All I cared about was a reliable date.

And it was reliable. The local delivery outfit called on the Tuesday to confirm delivery, and promised "late morning to mid-day". At 10:30 am on Wednesday 18th, the lorry pulled up outside, while I was on the phone sorting out insurance.

Let's detour to that. Finding an insurer for a Chinese bike does seem to be a bit of a lottery. Rampdale insurance - no link for them - list the Huoniao, but charge fairly usurious rates. Still, they'll insure you. Carole Nash insurance had to do a bit of searching, and only found one underwriter (Red Star) who would cover it, and only 3rd party at that. My phone cut off before we got to the quote.

So I ended up going with Bikesure (aka Adrian Flux) who found a 3PF&T policy for £142 including personal injury cover. Not as cheap as I'd like, but it'll do for a first-year price. Covering a chassis number was no problem, and the documents should be on the way.

And another detour to documents. The paperwork for the HN125 turned up on Tuesday 17th - posted 2nd class, the cheap baskets - and all look to be in order. There's a certificate of conformity, an import document, and a V55/4 all pre-filled in as promised. I should just need an insurance document (plus my driving license) to get the bike registered as new.

OK... back to the bike, which I'm helping the truck-monkey wheel into the garage as I wrap up with Bikesure. The pallet is about 6' high - the bike is standing vertical - and just squeaks under the garage door. The trunk-monkey says that bikes used to be delivered horizontally, but it costs more, so he's seeing them vertical now. He opines that it can't have any oil in it. I disagree. I later find out that I'm right, and it's nicely full of oil, which I'll be changing after its first road run.

Looking inside, everything seems to be in place, so I sign for it and I'm left alone with my new toy.

It's the work of a moment to cut away the cardboard outer, exposing a bike bolted to a frame. The frame is a little beat-up, but it's there to protect the bike, so I'm not bothered about that. The bike itself looks fine. There's a moment's panic as I try to locate the handlebars, until I realise that they're bubble-wrapped around the tank.

First order of business is to lighten the load. The front wheel is secured at the side of the frame near the top. One diagonal member needs unbolted, then two ties cut and the wheel can be taken out.

Next problem: getting the bike from vertical to horizontal. I consider rigging a rope from the rafters of my garage to try and lower it down, but then in a fit of manliness, rock the whole frame forward to feel the weight. It doesn't feel like 150kg, so I tip it a bit further towards me. Still feels OK. With a cry of Hadouken! I just let it tip, and lower it down. It's surprisingly manageable; no crunching of spine.

OK, we're down! Then in with the socket and spanners to take the frame apart. It's all common sense, just unbolt and move on. As I unbolt the back, I discover that the rear rack, mudguard and seat are all held on with a common bolt, which is handy to know.

At this point, I realise that I should be charging the battery. It comes dry in a box-of-bits in the box-of-bike, along with a sealed can of acid. You're supposed to use a little tube to get the acid into each cell, but I can't get it to stay on the stubby nozzle, so what the hey; I just squirt it into each cell, and mop up the spills. Won't be the first time.

With the battery on to charge, it's back to the bike. In short order the top and sides are removed, leaving the bike sitting in a solid bottom tray. I've been wondering how and when to get the front wheel on, but it's clearly not going to be possible until the bike is completely free of the frame.

At this point, I put the (newly discovered) handlebars on. It's pretty idiot-proof, using two clamps and 4 Allen bolts. Note to self: loctite the heck out of them later. I also loosely attach the front brake, and the throttle and power/lights assembly at this point. The brake is secure enough, but the throttle/power assembly only has two small bolts holding it on, and doesn't seem secure. We'll come back to that.

Then back to removal from the frame. The front axle is bolted through the frame, so that needs to come out, using a rubber mallet and a soft drift (ok, a long screwdriver, tapped gently). That's the bike now completely unsecured from the frame, but how to get it out? The rear wheel is sitting in a trough, and it's not for rolling - I later discover that it's got the front mudguard wedged onto the bottom of the rear wheel.

The answer is pleasantly simple. I can just lift the rear end up and out of the frame, twist it and put it down beside it. Then around to the front and lift the front forks out, move them to the side, lower and... the bike is free of the frame. Huzzah! Today, I am a man. A bike-lifting man.

A bit of tidying and re-inventorying follows. I can find homes for nearly all the clamps and bolts, barring 2 bolts and 4 chrome blanking plugs.

Next, the front wheel. At this point, the bike is sitting on its rear wheel and front forks. It stands up by itself, but precariously. I have a good go at getting it up onto its centre stand, but it's too heavy to haul all the way up from this low down.

A bit of head-scratching follows. I'm on my own at this point, so how to get the bike up?

The solution is to sling a rope over the rafters and around the centre of the handlebars, then carefully car-jack it up at the bottom of its main frame, standing and tightening the rope from time to time. I have to keep the bike balanced all the time, and it falls off once; the rope catches it and stops it crashing down.

On the second attempt, it falls again, but the rope is holding the front higher this time. A manly heave, and it's up on the centre stand. No inanimate lump of metal is going to outwit me!

Then it's just a matter of getting the front wheel on. The only tricky part is getting the brake pads far enough apart to fit the disk in. There's a spreader fitted to keep them apart in transit, but as soon as it's removed, they ease closed. I know I shouldn't, but I go in with a screwdriver and carefully pry them open, wiggle the disk in a bit, pry some more, wiggle, pry... and we're in.

Then the speedo cable attaches to one side of the wheel (needs a bit of wiggling), and a short brass tube to the other (ah, that's what it was for), and we're ready to offer up to the forks. I take the opportunity to add some more grease to the axle first, lift the wheel, and the axle goes through with some gentle rubber hammer persuasion. Then comes out again, as I notice that I've got the offside fork reversed; the mounts for the mudguard need to be on the inside.

That sorted, we're pretty much there. All the major bits are on, so now it's battery in. Handily, the red wire is dangling out from behind the right panel below the seat, so it doesn't take any guessing. It might be possible to get it in without removing the seat, but I want to have a look anyway, so I take it off - remember, the rear mounts are the common bolts with the bumper and chrome rack. Unbolted, it just pops back and out.

The battery drops in easily, and is held in place with a rubber cable-thing. Ah, the posts need the final two bolts in the box. Just those chrome blank plugs and some cable-ties left over. There's a vaguely triangular shaped metal plate in the battery box that I'm convinced is supposed to go outside the battery, but I can't quite get it to fit under the side panel, so it's left off for now.

OK, everything in place? Ah, mirrors. Loctite 'em. Tighten the handlebars properly; loads of loctite. Put the front brake and throttle/main power unit on tightly. It feels like the throttle/power unit isn't going to secure with just two bolts, but it tightens up eventually. And loctite, loctite, loctite.

Right, key in, twist: we have power. POWAH! Let's go for it!

Check the fuel tap; it's at off. Ah hah - while I'm there, I notice that the outlet at the top of the fuel tap isn't connected to the carb. There's an obvious dangling fuel pipe coming from the carb, curiously with a pointy end and no end clamp. Take note of this. Never mind, push it on to the fuel tap and let's get on with it.

So, a bit of fuel in the tank... wait for leaks... wait... more fuel... wait... OK, that's about 3 litres. Fuel tap to on. Nothing appears in the sight. OK, flip it up to reserve, and the sight fills up nicely.

We've got power, we've got fuel, so we should be good to go, right? Let's gooooooooo!

The starter turns the engine like a good-un. It doesn't fire after a few seconds though, so I stop and check the choke lever under the seat. It's down, which I think from my Honda CG CBT (and later confirm) means it's off. I push it up to full on and try again. Nothing.

What's up? Check the master rotary cut-off. It's in the centre position, which should be power-on. CRANK! THROTTLE! CRANK! THROTTLE! Oh, what's that spilling on the garage floor? Uh-oh. Fuel tap off, sharpish!

There's fuel dripping out of the bottom of the bike. Oh dear. Oh dear.

A bit of mopping up, then I trace it right back up to just under the carb. Head scratching. Tap to on, crank... it's coming out of... that pipe there. That dangling fuel pipe coming out of the carb, with a square end and a clamp. Hmm.

At this point, I realise that I've connected the carb breather to the fuel tap, and left the fuel line dangling. And yes, when you do that, fuel goes in the breather and out the fuel line.

D'oh.

One switch-around later, some more mopping, and let's crank. Grararar-rumble-rumble-rararar-rumble-rumble... off the starter and we're... we're... stalling. Crank, gentle throttle roll, grarararumble-rumble-rumble and we're running.

The engine heats quickly and comes off the choke within a minute or so, then starts sweetly after that. One thing that all owners of these bikes seem to say is that they start sweetly, and I can definitely believe it. Plumbed up properly, it feels very willing.

And that's us pretty much done. A dash more brake fluid to top it up (although it wasn't critical), a little tightening on the rear brake and I'm almost out of things to fiddle with. Some drag-runs up and down the garage confirm that the engine, clutch, 1st gear and brakes all work, for low energy values of work.

For £550 and a box of bits, I don't think we can say fairer than that.

A quick slather with ACF-50 and it's time for bed. Well, time to post this, then bed.

Bike in a box? Bring it on.

So it's come to this: a mid life crisis.

For no good reason at all, I've decided to get myself a motorcycle, and in a fit of man-logic, the bike to go for is the one most likely to spend the least time actually out on the road, where cagers lie in ambuscade.

The only choice therefore is the most basic bike that I could find, the Huonaio HN125-8, aka the Haotian Vixen. And as a special Crisis bonus, it comes in a box. Yes, Some Assembly Required.

This blog will document my experiences with this bike, from research, through ordering, delivery, assembly, registration and - Invisible Sky Giant willing - riding.